What the F*&%$ IS THIS?!

There are a lot of tourists in San Francisco. The ones who are sporty rent bikes and ride them along the waterfront. The ones who are not sporty ride the cable cars. The ones who are paired into nice heterosexual sporty couples can sometimes be seen on TANDEM bikes. (Not only is this woman on the back of a tandem bike... she's also wearing a stuffed animal backpack. That's the real reason I took their photo. But then I got annoyed thinking about the tandem bikes.
"Why is the man always on the FRONT?" I shouted at my beloved, while shoving my spy camera in front of him.)

I actually have been on a tandem bike once before, when I was around twelve, and on a Santa Barbara or San Diego trip with my then-single mother. The only reason we rented it was because the bike rental shack was out of regular bikes. We almost killed each other arguing over who was pedaling harder, who was not synchronized, who weighed more and who was actually stronger. I was already her height, and NOW I admit she was and still is stronger than I am, but at the time, damned if I was going to be on the back. (In case you don't know anything about tandem bikes... the stronger, heavier person should ride in front, because the bike is really hard to control if the bigger person is in the back. This is why the man is always on the front of the stupid bike. Sure, chances are he's also a sexist asshole, but technically, it's just that the bigger person goes in front. ) After that ride, my mom and I both vowed "never again", and certainly, definitely, I will NEVER get on a tandem bike behind a MAN. It's just so dumb. Why not just put on a frilly-ass dress and hop up sideways on a horse?!

This is what Tandem Cycle Works says about tandem bikes:

"Tandem Bicycles create a mutual experience – a team effort in achieving the satisfaction that comes from a spectacular ride."

Who are they kidding?! A mutal team effort and satisfying spectacular ride?! Just have sex with each other and then ride separate bikes, jeez! Separate bikes, and separate bank accounts, seriously. One day soon I shall write my manifesto about separate bank accounts. I'm just warming up with the stupid tandem bikes!