Yesterday I went to the market to get some stuff for salad. Since I work at a produce company, I get all the lettuce, tomato, and cucumber I can eat, but what is salad without croutons, green olives stuffed with feta, and shaved parmesan cheese?!
So off to market I go.
Salad, sure.
These DEVIOUS marketing display people. They have the delectable bakery goods right at the front door! At eye level, and at my right hand - a table covered with chocolately-looking squares of various size and slightly asymmetrical shape - brownies! My favorite food (in fact, my sweetie calls me Brownie). All thoughts of olives and croutons forgotten, I seized one, and flipped it over to scan the ingredients. The problem with most brownies is that they contain walnuts, and I am deathly allergic to tree nuts. But there were no nuts - just semisweet chocolate, butter, salt, sugar, eggs, vanilla and flour. At the top of the label it said, "Adult Brownie".
Adult Brownie???
What the F*** is an ADULT brownie?
Somewhere, once upon a time in a Women's Studies class in a universe or university far far away, I learned that a GIRL is anyone who hasn't had her first menstrual period yet and a WOMAN is anyone who has. There are lots of problems with that definition, but, let's try it anyway:
"I'm sorry, young lady, have you had your first menstrual period yet? No? You say you're only 11? Aha! No ADULT BROWNIE for you! Begone! Shoo!"
Is age eighteen adult?
"I'll have a pack of American Spirits. Oh, and... one ADULT BROWNIE. Thanks."
All this conjecture is moot, since both ages 11 and 18 (and my first menstrual period) have LONG SINCE come and gone, but since my next menstrual period IS approaching, I bought one ADULT BROWNIE. I'll have you know I did choose one of the smaller ones, though. You know, just in case I do want to get a bob haircut. I do realize the "smaller" one I chose was slightly over a half-pound. Oh, well.
Oh my God, I tasted it - in the parking lot - it was crumbly-dry on top and dense chocolatey-velvety inside - and then knew why it is called "Adult Brownie":
It's because it gives you an instant orgasm!
3 comments:
Dear Ms. LHK--
Well done, bravo! You sound totally huggable and stuff. SF is cool, Hello Kitty is cool. Having girls, er women, buy me clothes is super cool, so keep it up!
My favorite HK story: I worked with a woman based in Taipei, Taiwan. One day she was downtown and was shocked to see a line of people stretching around the block at the Bank of Taiwan. 'Oh no," she thought, 'There's a run on the bank! The bank is going to fail!'
But then she found out they had started just that morning issuning Hello Kitty credit cards, and thousands of people lined up to get them! Ha!
Rawk on. Awoo n'shit.
Regards,
Mikey
Thanks for visiting, Mikey.
I too want a Hello Kitty credit card. However, I want it to be billed to someone other than me.
PS Tell us about the women who buy you clothes. That sounds hot.
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