It is INSANE how much my NEW downstairs neighbor resembles my OLD downstairs neighbor.
Picture of Old Neighbor
But this gal - "Number 00" - she's the new, improved version. She's Downstairs Neighbor 2.0!
Old Neighbors (v. 1.0):
1. They were a couple, and while I never heard them having sex (THANK GOD), I always heard them chasing each other through the apartment and running into the walls, wrestling and giggling like the beginnings of a bad porno movie. Once, a frame fell off my wall and broke during their sumo wrestling session.
2. They had three televisions and all three were always on at top volume. Our floor/their ceiling is as soundproofed as a cardboard box. I hated hearing their TV! I don't even have TV.
3. They had a little dog that barked and barked and cried when they left it alone, which was often.
4. They had a huge-ass SUV Chevrolet thing and their parking spot was next to mine. They hit my (brand new, shiny, till-then still flawless) car door with their door while trying to get their bodies and their big Costco cases of food out of the huge SUV.
New, Improved Neighbor (v. 2.0):
1. She's single. She apparently sits on the couch or lies in bed more, because I hear her walking a hell of a lot less.
2. Her TV, while always on like theirs was, is set at a moderate volume. I do hear it, but it's more like lots of people talking and laughing faintly, instead of sounding like gunshots and high speed chases.
3. She doesn't have a yappy dog. In fact, she doesn't have any dog. And she won't be getting one, because they've changed the pet policy around here and we can't have dogs any more!
4. She has a mid-sized car instead of an SUV. On it, she has sorority license plates and two random big decals of Wallace and Gromit.
When you compare, New Neighbor is MUCH BETTER than Old Neighbors! Sure, I had to go downstairs and scream at her once already, but that's because she was moving in at midnight with an enormous moving truck, about ten movers, her dad, and two friends, all yelling, banging around, slamming furniture and boxes and slamming cabinets. I chewed her out and she apologized and blamed it on the movers being late, so that was good. At first I was scared because her daddy and mummy pulled up in a Lexus SUV and mummy had a small dog in her arms, but - now I think I'm gonna love her!
4 comments:
It's always nice to see the undesirables leave, your very lucky. There is woman directly down stairs from me who has a handicap placard in front of her apartment. The only problem is that the woman clearly isn't handicapped. I watch her walk up and down stairs and carry her laundry etc. She moves just fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her! I tried being polite to her but she is just really nasty. Sometimes the bitch has the nerve to park next to the handicap spot, and the space just sits empty. On those nights I want to stick a knife into her tires and take a baseball bat to her car...
Thanks for letting me vent Kitty I feel much better now.
Well, she sounds just CHARMING! Hopefully she will fall down the stairs with her laundry on top of her and snap a little bone in her foot. That would be fun.
"I am handicapped...I'm psychotic."
Joe Piscopo - Comic Genius.
Name the movie and you win a no-prize!
NO WAY! That's the new one? She is eerily like your former neighbor! Woah, Nellie!
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