Holiday Family Dysfunction

Everyone thinks their family is the most dysfunctional family on the planet. But mine really is!
Today I get to see my sister. Back up - I have a sister. She is five. I didn't even know my dad was dating anyone (my parents are divorced and my mom is remarried) till one Father's Day about six years ago, he dropped the bomb on me that he was having a baby. He was just on the cusp of sixty, and I was more than old enough to be having my own baby, so it was weird.
"Are you partnered?" I asked, puzzled.
"No," he replied.
"Well, are you in love?" I asked.
"Uh, no," he replied.
"WELL WHO'S THE MOTHER?!" I yelled.
Turns out she is a friend, a friend with whom my dad had often complained that he has a contentious friendship with. It annoyed him that she always argued for the sake of arguing (well, hell, she's a trial attorney, what the hell did he expect?!), that she doesn't read books, only money magazines, and that's she's supremely disinterested in the arts and nature. My dad is a dreamer; cerebral to the point of being in outer space, leftist, a catch-release fly fisherman, and basically an aging hippie. They had a contentious friendship well before the baby was conceived. I'm still trying to figure out what happened and how, while trying to block out the anatomical details.

I haven't exactly been blocked from having a relationship with my sister, but let's just say my dad and Baby Mama haven't exactly fostered one. When the baby was born, no one called me, as I'd requested. I kept calling Baby Mama's parents' house and someone kept answering who spoke only Cantonese. When it was clear I didn't speak Cantonese, they hung up on me. After a few days and about thirty tries, I had to ask a Cantonese-speaking friend of mine to call for me. Then, when the baby was an infant, I was told I could not see her yet because in Chinese tradition, only FAMILY can see the baby for the first month. After that I didn't speak to my dad for about a year. I finally met the baby at a family reunion (my uncle's 70th birthday) where everyone was there so I kind of had to make nice.

It's all very strange, and I've had my feelings hurt enough times by my dad and Baby Mama that I've just had to let go of any expectations and rosy dreams of having a cute little baby sister. For one thing, they live in Los Angeles and I live in San Francisco. However, Baby Mama's parents and siblings live in San Francisco and they visit often. When they do, my dad usually wants to visit me and crash at my apartment because he's not comfortable at Baby's Grandparents' house. He says it's crowded, and "They only speak Chinese," he complains to me.
"Well, they're first-generation Chinese, Dad, what the hell do you expect?" I say. There is a world of difference between first generation Chinese and third generation Japanese American; they may as well be aliens from other planets trying to parent this child together.

I still don't get the relationship between my dad and Baby Mama, nor do I know what the relationship will ever be between my sister and me. But they're in town this weekend. Yes Baby Mama and the baby are staying at the Chinese grandparents' house, while my dad is staying with me and Dear Daniel a few blocks away (walking distance!). It is weird, it is dysfunctional, it is sad and confusing. But I am excited to see my sister again and give her the presents I have been collecting for her.

Here's to dysfunctional families!